George Carlin

[yowen]

Thought y'all might enjoy this...

> > > A wonderful Message by George Carlin:
> > >
> > > The paradox of our time in history is that we have taller buildings
> > > but shorter tempers, wider Freeways, but narrower viewpoints. We
> > > spend more, but have less, we buy more, but enjoy less. We have
> > > bigger houses and smaller families, more conveniences, but less
> > > time. We have more degrees but less sense, more knowledge, but less
> > > judgment, more experts, yet more problems, more medicine, but less
> > > wellness.
> > >
> > > We drink too much, smoke too much, spend too recklessly, laugh too
> > > little, drive too fast, get too angry, stay up too late, get up too
> > > tired, read too little, watch TV too much, and pray too seldom.
> > >
> > >
> > >
> > > We have multiplied our possessions, but reduced our values. We talk
> > > too much, love too seldom, and hate too often.
> > >
> > > We've learned how to make a living, but not a life. We've added
> > > years to life not life to years. We've been all the way to the moon
> > > and back, but have trouble crossing the street to meet a new
> > > neighbor. We conquered outer space but not inner space. We've done
> > > larger things, but not better things.
> > >
> > > We've cleaned up the air, but polluted the soul. We've conquered
> > > the atom, but not our prejudice. We write more, but learn less. We
> > > plan more, but accomplish less. We've learned to rush, but not to
> > > wait. We build more computers to hold more information, to produce
> > > more copies than ever, but we communicate less and less.
> > >
> > > These are the times of fast foods and slow digestion, big men and
> > > small character, steep profits and shallow relationships. These are
> > > the days of two incomes but more divorce, fancier houses, but
> > > broken homes. These are days of quick trips, disposable diapers,
> > > throwaway morality, one night stands, overweight bodies, and pills
> > > that do everything from cheer, to quiet, to kill. It is a time when
> > > there is much in the showroom window and nothing in the stockroom.
> > > A time when technology can bring this letter to you, and a time
> > > when you can choose either to share this insight, or to just hit
> > > delete...
> > >
> > > Remember; spend some time with your loved ones, because they are
> > > not going to be around forever.
> > >
> > > Remember, say a kind word to someone who looks up to you in awe,
> > > because that little person soon will grow up and leave your side.
> > >
> > > Remember, to give a warm hug to the one next to you, because that
> > > is the only treasure you can give with your heart and it doesn't
> > > cost a cent.
> > >
> > > Remember, to say, "I love you" to your partner and your loved ones,
> > > but most of all mean it. A kiss and an embrace will mend hurt when
> > > it comes from deep inside of you.
> > >
> > > Remember to hold hands and cherish the moment for someday that
> > > person will not be there again.
> > >
> > > Give time to love, give time to speak! And give time to share the
> > > precious thoughts in your mind.
> > >
> > > AND ALWAYS REMEMBER:
> > >
> > > Life is not measured by the number of breaths we take, but by the
> > > moments that take our breath away.
> > >
> > > If you don't send this to at least 8 people....Who cares?
> > >
> > > George Carlin

[RR]

well, you've reached more than 8 choir members...nice piece :)

[RR]

George Bush has a heart attack and dies.
Obviously, he goes to Hell, where the Devil is waiting for him.
"I'm not sure what to do," says the Devil. "you're on my list, but I have no room for you. But since you definitely have to stay here, I am going to have to let someone else go.
"I've got three folks here who weren't quite as bad as you. I'll let one of them go, but you'll have to take their place. I'll even let you decide who leaves." George thought that sounded pretty good, so he agreed.
The Devil opened the first room. In it was Richard Nixon and a large pool of water. He kept diving in and climbing out, over and over.
Such was his fate in Hell.
"No!" George shouted. "I don't think so. I am not a good swimmer, And I don't think I could do that all day long".
The Devil led him to the next room. In it was Tony Blair with a sledge hammer and a room full of rocks. All he did was swing the hammer, over and over, time after time.
"No! I've got this problem with my shoulder, I would be in constant agony if all I could do was breaks rocks all day", commented George.
The Devil opened the third door. In it, George saw Bill Clinton Lying on the floor with his arms staked over his head, and his legs staked in a spread-eagle pose.
Bent over him was Monica Lewinsky doing what she does best.
George Bush looked at this in disbelief for a while and finally said,

"Yeah, I can handle this."

The Devil smiled and said "Ok, Monica, you're free to go!"

[skicdave]

That reminds me of this one... especially applies to skiers (see the part about knees)...

Ladies and gentlemen of the class of '97 Wear sunscreen.

If I could offer you only one tip for the future, sunscreen would be it.

The long-term benefits of sunscreen have been proved by scientists, ............ whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable than my own meandering experience.

I will dispense this advice now.... (enhanced with T4T graems)

Enjoy the power and beauty of your youth. :cutegirl:

Oh, never mind. You will not understand the power and beauty of your youth until they've faded. :troll:

But trust me, in 20 years, you'll look back at photos of yourself and recall in a way you can't grasp now how much possibility lay before you and how fabulous you really looked. :Permagrin:

You are not as fat as you imagine. :nakedguy2004:

Don't worry about the future. :beware:

Or worry, but know that worrying is as effective as trying to solve an algebra equation by chewing bubble gum.

The real troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your worried mind, the kind that blindside you at 4 pm on some idle Tuesday. :yardsale:

Do one thing every day that scares you. :soap:

Sing. :doh:

Don't be reckless with other people's hearts. :lips:

Don't put up with people who are reckless with yours. :disinfo:

Floss. :gasp:

Don't waste your time on jealousy. :bum:

Sometimes you're ahead, sometimes you're behind. :bum:

The race is long and, in the end, it's only with yourself.

Remember compliments you receive. Forget the insults. :badwords: :disinfo:

If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.

Keep your old love letters. Throw away your old bank statements.

Stretch. :wipeout:

Don't feel guilty if you don't know what you want to do with your life. :doh:

The most interesting people I know didn't know at 22 what they wanted to do with their lives. :happydog:

Some of the most interesting 40-year-olds I know still don't.

Get plenty of calcium. Be kind to your knees. You'll miss them when they're gone. :jumpturn:

Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. :wedding: or :chicken:

Maybe you'll have children, maybe you won't. :troll: :troll: :troll:

Maybe you'll divorce at 40, maybe you'll dance the funky chicken on your 75th wedding anniversary. :chicken:

Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself either. :badwords:

Your choices are half chance. So are everybody else's. :raining: or :sunshine:

Enjoy your body. :tmchandshake1: :bum: :tmchandshake:

Use it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or of what other people think of it. :topless:

It's the greatest instrument you'll ever own. :bum: :makeoutonatube:

Dance, even if you have nowhere to do it but your living room.

Read the directions, even if you don't follow them. :reading:

Do not read beauty magazines. They will only make you feel ugly. :troll:

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,
someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but i've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out
whenever I can"

Get to know your parents. You never know when they'll be gone for good. :cry:

Be nice to your siblings. They're your best link to your past and the people most likely to stick with you in the future. :cutegirl: :snowdream: :justdoit:

Understand that friends come and go, but with a precious few you should hold on. :kc:

Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography and lifestyle, because the older you get, the more you need the people who knew you when you were young. :skiergroup:

Live in New York City once, but leave before it makes you hard. :icicles:

Live in Northern California once, but leave before it makes you soft. Travel. :teardrop: or :smokeycog:

Accept certain inalienable truths:

Prices will rise. Politicians will philander. You, too, will get old. :tnx:

And when you do, you'll fantasize that when you were young, prices were reasonable :money: , politicians were noble, and children respected their elders. :drphil:

Respect your elders. :drphil:

Don't expect anyone else to support you. :justdoit:

Maybe you'll have a trust fund. Maybe you'll have a wealthy spouse. But you never know when either one might run out. :hummer: :yardsale:

Don't mess too much with your hair or by the time you're 40 it will look 85. :tnx:

Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it. :tmc:

Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a way of fishing the past from the disposal, wiping it off, painting over the ugly parts and recycling it for more than it's worth. :drphil:

But trust me on the sunscreen. :sunshine:

"brother and sister together we'll make it through,
someday a spirit will take you and guide you there
I know that you're hurting but I've been waiting there for you
and I'll be there just helping you out
whenever I can
everybody's free
everybody's free
to feel good"

[P-HUG]

Thnx Dave,
Forgot about that one.......hold on I have to wipe a tear from my eye.
Can we get the music that that song was put to?

[Freebird]

http://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/bananas/001.gifhttp://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/bananas/002.gifhttp://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/bananas/003.gifhttp://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/bananas/004.gifhttp://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/bananas/005.gifhttp://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/bananas/006.gifhttp://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/bananas/007.gifhttp://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/bananas/008.gif

Perfect pick me up after hearing about this horrible proposal put forth by R- Gregg of NH and (somehow, god knows how...) some D from NV, (and of course ultimately supported by dubb-yu. Slashing funding for the families and dependents of our troops in Iraq? The thought of 10 yr olds not getting the councelling they need after their mommy or daddy is killed (or at least left over there and forgotten by their own government for more than 18 months)... that blows me away.

And what's the motive? So we can have a better budget for border security? Hey I'm all for better border and immigration control, but not at the expense of my high school and college friend's (who are now serving) families... Oh I have an idea, you know all those billionaires making bank on your tax cuts and your exploitation of the US Military mr president? Since they're the ones making all the money on your invasive corporate take-over of Iraq, let them foot the F'ing bill! I'm finding it increasingly hard to be proud to be an american with these shananigans (sp?) going on.

What requirements need to be met in order for the country to push for impeachment? What type of laws does the president need to break, or atrocities does he need to commit? I think it's up to all of us to find a way to stop this administration and this current congress from running this country completely into the sewer. Apparently just writing to our senators and congresspersons doesn't seem to do :crap: Immediately following Saddam's trial, we need to put W on trial for the atrocities he's commiting to the world.

Here's to you Bush! http://www.smilies-and-more.de/pics/smilies/angry/004.gif

[Freebird]

well, you've reached more than 8 choir members...nice piece :)

and yes, agreed...

Carlin has a way with words.

and sorry about the earlier rant everyone.

[skickathy]

Thnx Dave,
Forgot about that one.......hold on I have to wipe a tear from my eye.
Can we get the music that that song was put to?

Find it at http://timefortuckerman.com/members/skicdave/t_sunscreen.mp3

[RR]

Don't sweat it...just think of how W probably would take that third choice without pausing to consider the obvious....given his performances to date.

[RR]

ooohhh purdy kitty! Is that your cat skickathy?

[skicdave]

ooohhh purdy kitty! Is that your cat skickathy?


Ooops! Was using one of our other puters.. which Kate was last logged on too... that was me.

Anyways RR, that Kitty Kat was a member of a litter that lived under our deck a few years ago... purty little thing!!! but wild!!

We 'almost' adopted it.. but a neighbour fell in love with 'Smokey' and took her away. She would come up out of that whole by the tree and play around... usually she would hide back down the hole when we went outside...

:cry:

[Rider.Steve]

Find it at http://timefortuckerman.com/members/skicdave/t_sunscreen.mp3


Gotcha Kathy! I rep-utized you for representing today!

Steve

(even though it was only skicDave, heh, heh)

[P-HUG]

I love it...thnx Kathy...reps tp you

[Telemark]

The original post isn't by George Carlin. In fact, he's not very fond of it, to say the least. Pretty much nothing on the Web attributed to GC was written by him.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/paradox.asp

Always check Snopes. :)

-dave-

[Seeker]

The original post isn't by George Carlin. In fact, he's not very fond of it, to say the least. Pretty much nothing on the Web attributed to GC was written by him.

http://www.snopes.com/politics/soapbox/paradox.asp

Always check Snopes. :)

-dave-

You just love doing that. :D

[Telemark]

You just love doing that. :D
Yes.

Yes, I do.

-dave-