Hmmm, perhaps need something more pertinent:
White Alert = Massive Dump! Drop whatever you are doing, grab your loved ones if there is time, and head for the hills!
Yellow Alert = Have fun, but do not eat the yellow snow...
grey alert = make sure you bring goggles with good contrast
Brown alert = Sherburn melting fast, better get out there soon
Green alert = Mumster? Can we borrow your grass skis?